Keith Schwanz

Schwanz Family Players

In the 1980s we purchased our first telephone answering machine.  The owners manual had script that could be used as the outgoing message, but it was quite boring.  So I started writing 30-second plays for the family to perform.  We had great fun.  Karla and Jason started drafting scripts.  We’d rehearse a couple of times, then gather around the answering machine to record on the cassette tape.   Here’s the entire library of recordings made over about six years in the order in which they were created.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Schwanz Family Players!

Santa’s Red Suit
Long Winter’s Nap
The Pig Sty
Take Me Out to the Ball Game
Jason Comedy Show
Radio KJKJ
The Robots
The Answering Machine
The Heimlich Christmas
Twilight Zone
Grumps the Groundhog
The Sounds of Spring
Holiday Dressing
Ebenezer Schwanz
The Homestead
Fall Migration
Christmas Rap
Exercise Class
Beep Audition
Busy Tone
Summer Party
Teenage Driver
Vacation Plans
Hey Diddle Diddle
Rudolph’s Snowball Fight
Big 4-0
Brutus and the Insane Asylum
Refrigerator

The best time for planning a book is while you’re doing the dishes.

— Agatha Christie